THE DAY THE WIDOW WAS BORN

So eventually the day came. Every one knew about it but none spoke it out loud. Although futile, all prayed against it. Baba finally left his ailing body behind to take his place in the heavens. After one month of struggle his body finally gave up. 
The previous day we  brought him home, defeated and exhausted - both emotionally and financially. Clutching the release order as I helped the paramedics put him into the ambulance,I felt as if he opened his eyes and stared at me with disbelief, that his son,  his Binki would admit defeat so soon, or maybe it was just my imagination already flared up by the raging emotions. The journey back home was no less an emotional ordeal, the hopeful faces of Pisi and Ma flashed which would turn to gloom soon. The oxygen cylinder gave a little aid to Baba whose breathing now was labored. After 5 long hours we finally reached our home and took Baba to the bedroom one last time. The night was sleepless and the room eerily quite except for the labored breathing and rasping sounds of Baba. Pisi, Ma sat near Baba all along. 

The next day dawned and Ma asked me prepare to wipe bathe Baba as he would always take a bath every morning. Ma and I cleaned him and put on fresh shirt and lungi for him as he lay motionless, with only his labored breathing telling us that he is still alive. I took the bucket to empty its contains as my mother stayed back in the room still talking lovingly to Baba. I have hardly reached the bathroom when Ma shouted "BINKI". I rushed back to the room almost knowing what waits me there. The room was totally silent now, not even the labored breathing which I so desperately wanted to hear now. Ma looked at me and then at Baba. I rushed to the side of my father, my Baba and searched for the pulse, I found none. I simply went out and called my uncle and gave him the news in a voice so straight that even surprised myself. Surprisingly I didn't find myself crying. Maybe the month long stay at hospital had subconsciously prepared for the eventuality or perhaps it didn't and I was just in a shock too deep to feel anything. The happenings there after felt all rushed and blurred as if I was rushing through a dream - a mat was arranged, they took Baba out and laid his lifeless body on the mat which was resting on the veranda. Someone brought the earthen pots, I heard someone speaking on his phone asking for a cartload of firewood. All the voice were distinct yet felt distant. Ma again came around and sat beside Baba. Pisi sat on the floor, head buried,resting on her folded legs. Her cries resembling that of a little girl. Someone was murmuring something to me, what was he saying? Who was he? Dipankar da came and picked me up. I followed mechanically. Another lady came and took my mother's hand and broke her bangles and with one clean swipe wiped the vermilion of her head. The mat was tied up and loaded onto a makeshift stretcher. I was made to hold one of the side of the stretcher. The chant started and amidst the "Bolo Hori, Hori Bol" and the smoke and smell of incense and camphor, I took Baba out of the gates of our home the final time. The pyre was already prepared by the time we reached the crematorium. Baba was lowered on the bank of the Ghagua, the very river in the waters of which he fished, bathed and swam his entire life, for one last bath. and finally he was made to lie on the pyre and as his only son, I lighted it up, and as the fire hungrily rushed to devour the woods and the remains of Baba along with them, I touched the feet of Baba and sought his blessings for one last time. Someone grabbed me by my shoulder and pulled me away from the fire. From the distance I saw the fire consuming the last remains of Baba. 

As the fire died down I was again taken to the river to take a dip in the river, and after that we walked back home. As I entered the house my eyes felt on Ma. I barely recognized her. She was draped in a white saree. Never have i seen her so colorless. The color which was missing from her clothes now seemed to have left from her body as well. She looked pale. She looked 10 years older. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever saw Ma as she was standing. The time seemed to have frozen. I don't know for how long I stared at her, and for the first time that day I burst into tears. It was this day that a new avatar of Ma was born, fragile and steadfast at the same time, broken yet resolved, to carry on the duties, dreams and life that her beloved has left behind. It was on this day a widow was born.

Yet Another Random Post

Am I on the right path? Would my life have been any different had I chosen a different path? 
No permutation slash combination of any number of alphabets from any of the known language can actually do justice to the definition of Life. No two people sees Life the same way. But that doesn't necessarily should lead you to the conclusion that any of these view are totally wrong. It is just that you didn't have a perspective or experience in this journey as I had and hence the difference in our conclusions. No matter how like minded you feel you and your partner are, how strong the connection might feel today, be assured that there's a lot that's not common in between you. When the passion wears out, when you get used to of each other, only then do you see the differences, the uniqueness of each soul that otherwise might have been hidden, the traits and qualities that laid bare in front of your eyes but you were too "occupied" to take a note of them. Make sure you can make peace with those differences. For differences alone doesn't mean abomination. Rather they are simply varieties that needs to exist to being in the diversity of life. Merely being on different paths doesn't mean your souls need to drift apart. Just because you cannot see the rationale behind him/her continuing on path of choice doesn't mean there's a dead end way ahead. Just like the path upto now, that brought you two together, which probably was as varied as possible, every path has a future. The road to success isn't defined. No NHAI or PWD has been able to construct any highway that surely leads to success. The best we can do is that believe on ourselves and show a little more faith towards the dedication of the other being, and if ever the path does lead to a dead end see that you aren't too broken to switch lanes for there are other lanes that still waits to be traversed, to be explored and to be conquered. Help yourselves, and when required help others in their crisis. 

The Bottom line, Be careful when choosing a path, but once chosen, be FAITHFUL to that PATH.

The Crossroads

You too shall stand one day,
At that cross road of the woods of life, as they say!

'Lovely', it might not be , but
'Dark' it definitely is!
But come what may, choose you have to,
Easy, it seldom is;

And mind you, be aware of the lure,
That traps many.
An Easy path isn't the key, abort that thought,
If you ever had any.

Putting your comfort at the back foot,
Gather your guts, and get busy
Never fall for the illusions, dear
For the road downhill always seems easy!!!!!!!

FRIENDSHIP - A MIRAGE????

It is believed that we have evolved from apes, an alteration or "defect"  in our genes that pushed our ancestors to take a different path of evolution, thus landing us where we are. This defect has pushed us quite astray from other cousins of ours. While they are still running wild in the jungles (and some in zoos), this species, technically termed as Homo sapiens, just went out of their way to proclaim themselves as the master of this planet. And after one million years of evolution here we stand, calling ourselves the Human Beings and indulging in almost every inhuman task possible.

       When I was in primary school we were told that human beings are social animals. That means unlike other animals that are concerned only of eating and mating, we humans have other concerns, most of these concepts being invented by us. Just as hyenas, we live in packs, where every member has an important role to play. But since we are social beings, the pack was termed as society, I guess. And, with time, developed all those over the top complicated systems that define our societies today. We developed terminologies, rules, positions in the pack (read society) that were to define our “society”. One such position or relation is Friend.

Almost all of us have friends- at least we think we do. Friends are quite integral part of our life, sometimes influencing our lives to an extent that is not quite acceptable to our family. Now I don’t think I need to go on about describing what friend and friendship is all about. There are tons of books, songs, clips, whatsapp videos etc, etc that have immortalized the bonds of friendship. So rather let’s get directly to the core of the topic-(drum roll please): Does friendship really exist, or is it just another myth which we don’t want to acknowledge as one???

   As we go from one phase of life to another, we get different set of "friends." From chocolate sharing wala to the peg sharing wala friend, we have seen them all. But how many of them remains in touch with us as we move on with our life. In this materialistic world it doesn't take much of a time for relations to turn sour. Everyone guards their egos with their life and this in turn has taken toil on our social lives. Friendship is no longer a sacred bond that was epitomized by Shree Krishna and Sudhama in The Mahabharata. In most of the cases today, friendship is that union among individuals that exit may be because of a common passion, hatred or maybe just for thrill. No doubt even today we find tales of friendship which have moved many to tears. But such friendship is as rare as the four leafed clover-you are lucky if you find one. In today's world you are welcome in a place as long as you are profitable to it.

   So what shall we do? Should we pass our whole life in complete solitude, not accepting any friendship proposals? Should we shut ourselves from all the fun and adventure that the life throws at us? NO. Rather, embrace everything that life throws at you, accepting life as it goes on, but with caution. Get into relationships, and give your best in it. Let's not worry about others role in it. Make sure that you do complete justice to the bond that you have established. And even after that if it doesn't work out, be strong enough to move on, for the menu of life has tons of desserts and it would be a shame if you miss any. So is friendship a mirage?? Maybe no. Maybe yes, but at times of great despair, even a mirage can give us that impulse to continue on which may be life saving. So live your life full on, make new friends, party hard, laugh harder, help everyone without expecting any thing in return .  Good luck :)

THE BEST IS YET TO COME

Every event has a moment reserved for it... No force in this Universe can cause an event to occur before its destined time, nor it is in the hand of any to delay it. So there may come such times in your life where you might feel wronged, whence you lose your faith in all those teachings that tell us of love, believe , supreme being etc. But do remember it is not that you are wronged or you are being mocked by your fate. It is just that your destined time hasn't arrived yet.
No matter how sure you feel of your choice, there always exist some unseen facets of your decision that shall remain hidden from your consciousness. These unseen turns may not at all be  in your favour. So if it so happens that an event doesn't turn out as you expected, don't worry....for it might not be the destined time for the event to occur yet to be....nor it might be the best thing to occur.May be a better tomorrow waits for you in the near future, may be fate has in stock for you a rather much more pleasant future, which you may not desire but which a noble soul like yours truly deserve. So just move forward, give your best, and keep your faith alive for THE BEST IS YET TO COME

A DREAM

And there is this dream,
That shakes me up every night,
A scene that disturbs my sleep a way too often
A lingering thought that prays acknowledgment...
But has been denied of it!!!
A decision that awaits my reckoning.....
But always has been trailed off!
For weak at heart, I was ...
Too frail to address it,
Sacred was I, to show the idea the daylight of the real world
And so it remains, lingering
Somewhere deep down, seeking every oppurtunity it gets ,
Struggling to resurface
From that transient world of fantasy..!!!!!

THE FINAL MOMENT

So this is how it ends,
No fanfare to bid my goodbye
No fairies to accompany me by.
What surrounds me is a grim room,
And an awful plethora of regrets.
Moments of my life floats in front of my eyes,
Making me relive the regrets, each n every one of them.
"How I wish I could say the NO"
"Wish I could approach her ."
"Had I grabbed the opportunity when it was still within reach!"
"Had I stayed at home that day!"......
And the list goes on, makes me live through the mistakes.
Each and everyone of them,
Mocking me and showing such a failure my life was.
All the loved ones are beside me
But none gives me any comfort.
And as the stream of conscious ends, a darkness engulfs me
A darkness that sucks away even the last drop of hope,
Pulling me to a sleep from which I shall never wake!!!